Can I tell someone that I don’t want them at my birth?

It’s always difficult when you have to let someone you love down. Now times that by 1000.

Being calm and comfortable when you’re in labour effects the duration and ease of your birth. That’s why is very important when it comes to choosing your birthing team/partners.

After you’ve chosen your doula, midwife, hospital etc you have to begin to choose the people you want there to provide you with physical and emotional support.

Now, you may love your sister to bits but if you know she’s just not the best person to have around you for you to stay calm then don’t feel bad to tell her so.

If you mother is great at supporting you but you know she just won’t stop telling everyone in the room about how long her labour was with you then maybe it’s best to keep her away untill baby is born.

Family members can take it really personally because it may feel as if you’re pushing then away and don’t want them with you at a very intimate time. Which is why it’s very important for you to let them know that it has nothing to do with your love for them and that they can come as soon as baby is born. But you need there support and love elsewhere. You need them awake and alert when you need to rest after birth.

It’s OK to be “selfish”. Your birthing experience will stay with you forever and is “your” experience, no one else’s.

Just because your mother in-law says that she wants to be there and is extremely pushy about it doesn’t mean that you need to give in.

“I’m sorry but I don’t want you with me at the birth, but I’ll see you after and you can meet your new grandchild”

Be firm and know that choosing who attends your birth is your right and yours alone.

Remember that not wanting certain people there shouldn’t make you feel bad. You are reining queen of your birth and you get to choose who you feel will help you most.

Sometimes friends and family forget that your feelings and emotions matter heavily. Don’t feel scared to remind them.

Let’s say that you choose your sister to attend and she really wants her friend to attend too. You don’t have to agree. And if your sister wants the best for you she won’t force it. Childbirth isn’t a show. It’s a vulnerable time fo you and your family and if you don’t feel comfortable with strangers that’s OK and frankly quite normal.

On the other hand of you are open to sharing your experience with anyone that’s OK too as long as it’s your choice.

Ultimately it comes down to being absolutely honest with yourself and remembering that it’s your birth, your choice.

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