My PCOS Journey

I was under the age of 14 when I was having horrible pain during my periods. The pain would take over my body and I would be left curled up and nauseous for days.I eventually went to the hospital and after a scan that left my abdomen aching I was told my the doctor that I had PCOS.Polpolycystic ovary syndrome is when a woman’s ovaries have small cysts growing on them. It is a hormonal imbalance and symptoms include acne, painful and irregular periods and unwanted hair growth.The doctor wanted to put me on birth control tablets as this would increase my progestogen levels.I have never been someone who likes taking medication so I declined. I was then told that the only other option I had was to lose weight.I was barely overweight. I was a young woman who already had weight issues, bolimia and body dysmorphia, the last thing I needed to hear was that I needed to lose weight otherwise I would never have children.So I lost the weight and in a few months I returned and got another scan. I had even more cysts covering both my ovaries now and my chin was now covered in a thick layer of hair.I left the hospital and felt a extremely heavy weight on my shoulders. Years later and I was still dealing with the consequences. Painful periods, hairy chin and fluctuating weight. But most of all the dread that I won’t be able to conceive.I didn’t like what I saw in the mirror, I wasn’t only disgusted with the outward but the inward fact that my body was producing too much testosterone made me feel like less of a woman. Not a woman.As time went on I began meeting more women who had the same issues I was facing. And I began to feel less alone. I wasn’t the only woman who shaved and waxed her chin every day. I wasn’t the only woman who’s emotional tempremants would go up and down like a roller-coaster. And I wasn’t the only woman who was scared that she would never be able to conceive.Having a community of woman like me gave me confidence I never had. Yes I have PCOS but no it won’t control my day to day. No to all the doctors who said all I had to do was lose weight and everything would be OK. No to all the people who pointed out my chin hairs everyday no to the crippling thoughts I had everytime I saw a child. Words of affirmations were my pills. Eating a nutrious meal was my medication. Not standing on the scales everyday was my hope. Begining the journey of self love was the begining of my journey. You are a beautiful and vibrant woman. You are always worthy of love. Your weight isn’t the be all and end all. Your body loves you. Take care of you for you. Every woman’s journey with PCOS is extremely private and personal to her. But one thing that is universal is self love. What may seem like flaws and all.

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